Monday, January 24, 2011

Inception Review

Oh Inception, the ridiculously hyped and super awaited follow up to Chris Nolan's 2008 Dark Knight.  Inception is written and directed by Nolan, and as such is another brain-bender by the man who brought us mind-fuck movies such as Memento and The Prestige.  Inception is very well-written and the writing is backed up by a very strong cast, with equally strong performances by everyone involved.  Leo DiCaprio stars as the very obviously troubled Cobb, a man who specializes in something called "extraction."   Which is the art of invading someones dream to uncover very valuable secrets.  It is hinted at that this form of Cyber robbery is generally bank-rolled by major corporations and people with a lot of money, and in this world of mind-robbery, Cobb is the best.  He has a very talented and professional partner-in-crime, Arthur, portrayed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in one of my favourite roles by him in a long time!  Rounding off the cast is Ellen Page as the architect Ariadne, Tom Hardy as Eames, who is basically a dream shape-shifter, Ken Watanbe as a very powerful man who employs Cobb for the film, Dileep Rao, in his third feature film to date, as Cobb's technical help/science whizz, Marion Cotillard as Mal Cobb, Cobbs (crazy?) wife, and Cillian Murphy as Robert Fischer Jr. the focus of the films major heist.

The plot of the film revolves around Cobb trying to pull off one last major heist in order to make his way back to his home in the States and perhaps more importantly, his family.  This last heist comes with a twist however, instead of Extraction he is asked to perform the near impossible Inception.  Inception is the thought (pun intended) of planting an idea instead of stealing one and is believed to be impossible, but you later learn that is has been done once and once only, conveniently done by Cobb himself years earlier.  The basic plot has been done before but that is the only part of the story that can be considered done before, as the plot thickens Nolan takes you on a mind-bending and very pretty journey through the minds of the main characters.

The story deals with some very confusing ideas but one of the best parts of this film (and a huge testament to the very strong writing) is that you never really get lost in the story.  Nolan does an amazing job of walking you through this very complicated concept of Extraction and Inception, using team new-comer Ariadne to explain all the concepts to the audience, and not once does this seem forced, instead it absolutely works well with the story-line of the film.  The action does not pick up in this film until about half-way through (first half is dedicated to explaining Exraction and Inception), but once it picks up it does not slow down once as Nolan takes you on a wild-ride through the subconscious.

There are some awesome action scenes in the film as the team battles it's way through the many "levels" of the subconscious, meeting the human minds many defenses along the way and having to fight their way through every moment of it.  This causes a very tense hour and a half of the movie, but not only is it tense it is very well done and very fun the entire time.  There are some awesome "money shots" as well.  If you have seen the trailer than no doubt you have seen the city folding onto itself, that part is impressive in trailers but even cooler in the actual movie.  This movie is definetely a major blockbuster and has all the makings of one, good action, some great laughs, a few really really really cool moments and strong performances all around.


Perhaps one of the best part of this film, other than all of the awesome moments in it, is the depth of the characters.  Nolan does a great job of making you care for these characters, even though many of them (especially Cobb) are very flawed.  There is just as much arguing and tension between the team of heroes, as there is tension between the team and the villains.  This causes for some good nail-biting moments and a whole lot of fun throughout the film.

To top it all off is the main emotional story concerning Cobb and his wife (ex-wife?  Who knows but these are some of the best parts of the film, and hard to explain).  These moments lead up to a twist of sorts concerning Cobb's relationship with his wife that personally I did not see coming, but was very cool and explained a lot once it did happen!

Despite all this positive praise, the movie is not perfect.  I did say that almost all characters are well thought out but the key word there is almost.  Dileep Rao gives a good performance but his character feels too much like a stereotype, he has some fun moments but so much more could have been done with this character!

The only other problem with this film does not necessarily have to do with the film itself, but rather the hype surrounding it.  This movie was definetely over-hyped, I expected to see the next absolutely perfect summer blockbuster so I was slightly left down when i saw it.  That was my first reaction, but having watched it again quite recently I realized that even though it was over-hyped that fact should not take away from what is a really fun, really well-done summer action flick!

Inception is a very well-written movie (probably its strongest asset) it is a very entertaining flick as well!  It features strong performances from all of the major characters and features a very entertaining twist-ending.  It is not a perfect movie but it is not a movie that should be ignored.  If you enjoy Nolan's previous mind-bending flick such as Memento and The Prestige than this is a movie people should definetely check out!  This movie is above all, fun (as you have probably guessed by my generous use of that word throughout the article) and there are enough "woah" moments that will have you riveted throughout!  A must-see for someone who wants a bit of intelligence with their explosions and gunfights!!

(P.S. I wrote this review after it had been announced that Tom Hardy was going to be playing Bane in the upcoming Batman movie by Chris Nolan so i could not stop imagining him injected with venom and trying to kill the Batman!!!)

4 Tom Hardy "I Just Woke Up With This Beard" Beards out of 5

True Grit Review

True Grit Review

 True Grit, not the 1968 Novel by Charles Pointer, not the 1969 adaptation of that very same novel, starring John Wayne in a role that won him an Oscar, no this review is of the Coen Brothers amazingly crafted remake/adaptation of this story.  Not only is this movie a great Western (a genre slowly being brought back to the fore) it is a great comedy, tragedy (at times) and a great action flick!

Jeff Bridges steals every scene as the drunk, but dependable (occasionally), Reuben “Rooster” Cogburn, the same role that won Mr. Wayne his Oscar in 1969.  Hailee Steinfeld stars as the 14 year old Mattie Ross, on whom the story revolves around, I would like to point out that Ms Steinfeld is only 14 and this is her first full-length feature film, and she is phenomenal, but more on that later.  Matt Damon steps outside his comfort zone in this film to play the hilarious, but always proud Texas Ranger LaBoeuf (pronounced LaBeef for extra hilarity).  The other major role in the film is the outlaw John Chaney, who is the focus of the story; he is played by Josh Brolin who is no stranger to Coen Brothers Western themed movies, as he starred in their Noir/Western No Country for Old Men.

To begin i will say right away that i LOVE this film. I am a huge fan of Westerns, and a huge Coen Brothers fan, so combining the two is just movie magic at its finest!  I have seen the original True Grit, and have been to theatres to see this one twice so far, and both times I have been wildly entertained.  I will also mention, even though this film is technically a remake, it is also an adaptation, as the Coen Brothers wanted to follow the novel much more closely than the 1969 film (this is only noticed in the smaller details, the major plot points and progression remain mostly untouched).  For example Rooster Cogburn is much more faithful to the novel in this film that the 1969 one, he is a dirty, occasionally violent man, who is very rough and tumble and Jeff Bridges plays is amazingly.  John Wayne is great in the original (as is proven by his Oscar win) but Wayne is too clean cut for the role, in my opinion Wayne played a watered down, more “kid-friendly” version of Cogburn, while Bridges plays the badass, dirty man you would expect.  One thing to note, if you have not seen the movie yet you WILL struggle to understand Cogburn, his accent is thick, his voice is very gravelly, very obviously a character trait chosen for this film to set it apart from its 1969 counterpart.  Cogburn may be hard to hear at points but if you try hard enough it is very possible to make out everything he says (I listened very hard the second time, specifically so I could catch it all, and managed to catch all of it except one line, albeit it was a line said by Cogburn during a Whiskey binge).

Hailee Steinfeld was spectacular, she plays the educated and intelligent Mattie Ross, a girl who is much smarter than her 14 years would normally suggest.  For her first film, Steinfeld is breath-taking, she plays pretty much every emotion an actor would need to know how to use, and does it very well.  She portrays sadness, anger, jealousy and she does it while not once breaking down despite everything.  Mattie Ross is a ridiculously strong character and the Coen Brothers cast her role perfectly, this girl is going to be a force to be reckoned with in the upcoming years in Hollywood.

Matt Damon, as LaBoeuf, puts on his action hero boots, play a Texas Ranger, who is all too proud to inform you that he is a Texas Ranger.  Every chance he gets, “Well, In Texas….” And the rapport that develops between LaBoeuf and Cogburn is great, resulting in many awesome one-liners and the majority of the comic relief throughout the film.  LaBoeuf seems too proud for his own good at first but by the end of the film you are routing and caring for his character as much as Mattie Ross and Rooster.

Josh Brolin as the outlaw Tom Chaney is not in the movie much even though the story revolved around chasing down and capturing (or killing) his character.  Brolin is strong, as usual, and his few scenes are quite entertaining.  Chaney fancies himself a man who has just drew a bad lot in life, despite his love for the devil drink and gambling and the fact that he rides with the notorious outlaw Luck Ned Pepper.
All of the characters are very strong in this flick, all portrayed very well, but characters can only get you so far, what about the other facets of the film?  Well just like the characters, the plot, the setting and the camera-work throughout the movie are picture perfect, showing that the Coen Brothers know how to entertain, and entertain very well.

The Movie is beautiful, stunning even, showing some truly breath-taking shots of Oklahoma and the Indian Territory that our merry band of travelers journey through on their wild goose chase for Chaney.  The Coen Brothers do that sate proud, showing the varying terrains and environments that make up the Oklahoma countryside.  Some of my favorite parts in the movie come from the Coen Brothers very strong writing.  They make the language very proper, which I feel is very accurate for the very later 1800’s and some of the funniest parts of the movie come from the proper writing.  Especially, for instance, the distinct lack of contractions throughout the film.  The fact that people say things like Do Not, or Will Not, instead of don’t or won ‘t makes for very interesting, and sometime hilarious dialogue.

Finally, the plot.  True Grit is an amazing story in my opinion even without the Coen Brothers usual attention to detail and level of polish the story of True Grit is a good one.  It is a tale of revenge and redemption and the Coen Brothers handle it beautifully.  Young Mattie Ross is grief-stricken after the murder of her father by the hands of a man named Tom Chaney.  Mattie Ross’ father took Chaney in, gave him a place to stay and some employment and Chaney thanked him with a bullet.  Mattie Ross does not think that the law will take the appropriate actions necessary and sets off to find a man with “True Grit”, a man who will do what she thinks is necessary in order to bring Chaney to justice.  That man is Reuben Cogburn, a US Marshall who is more willing to take in criminal’s dead, as opposed to alive.  He is the man with "True Grit" that Ross is looking for, perfect for tracking down the dangerous Tom Chaney.  Along the way they meet Texas Ranger LaBoeuf, who is also tracking down Chaney, but for different reasons.  Their reasons for capturing Chaney do not match but they make an uneasy alliance in order to capture this dangerous criminal.  The unlikely trio set off for the Indian Territory, a territory Cogburn knows well, and during their adventures encounter a Whiskey-smuggling ring, poisonous snakes, dead bodies, men wearing bear hides and many other colorful people and places.  Their patience for each other will be tested absolutely, everyone involved comes into conflict with their own demons and figures out something important about themselves, and the end of the film wraps everything up very nicely.

As you may have noticed from my extra long review, I really enjoy this movie.  I think that this is my favorite movie from 2010, it not my number 1 from this year than easily top 3.  I think that this movie has a little something for everyone; it blends many genres, but presents itself as a Western.  This is a movie that should not be missed or ignored and I can only hope that come award season this movie receives the recognition I clearly believe it deserves!  

5 Epic as Shit Bear-Skin Wearing Man Beards out of 5

                (Ha-ha that is a confusing Beard to describe, but when you see the film, you will know exactly who I am speaking of when I say Bear-Skin Wearing Man)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Review: 127 Hours

For those who have not heard of this movie it is the true story of Aaron Ralston who is a hardcore mountain climber/adventure enthusiast who finds himself literally stuck between a Rock and a Hard Place when, after a stumble while climbing, found his arm caught between a rock wall and a small boulder for around 5 days (127 hours!!) when climbing in Utah.

This movie is another film by Danny Boyle, acclaimed director behind such films as 28 Days Later, Trainspotting, Sunshine and Slumdog Millionaire.  If you have seen any of these movies you know that Boyle has a distinct visual style, especially when things start to get real intense (quick cuts, weird music, weirder camera angles), his visual style is abundant throughout this film, particularly whenever Aaron's situation seems rather dire.  Mr. Ralston is played by James Franco, and played by him rather well if i do say so myself.

Franco does a phenomenal job of being Aaron Ralston, the one scene that totally sold me happened very early on (when his hand got stuck) the reaction of Franco when his hand is stuck is probably the most human reaction i have seen in a movie in a very long time.  It starts of with him staring with disbelief at his predicament, that leads to Ralston starting to panic and trying to dislodge the rock, that eventually leads to defeat, all in the case of about five minutes.  These five minutes were some of my favourite in the film because of how human Franco portrays the reaction, he had a reaction that i feel many people would have if they found themselves in this situation, its a great human moment in this film.

Now while Danny Boyle and James Franco both do fantastic jobs of taking you through this journey i do not think that this is the transcendent experience that many critics were saying it would be.  Don't get me wrong, this movie is a perfect length at 1.5 hours, and i was entertained the entire time but I do not think that this movie was better than Buried (for example, I also reviewed this movie last week) which was a very similar film in the sense that it was a one-man show about a person in a ridiculously extreme situation.  Buried was great because it was essentially a thriller with Ryan Reynolds face as the focal point, but more importantly you did not know what was going to happen.  I knew what this movie was eventually going to come to (if you remember this story from 2003 than you know what I am referring to) and that knowledge did two things, 1) it created a good amount of suspense; but at the same time 2) it made me sick to my stomach, knowing what Ralston was eventually going to do and what was going to come up on the screen.

The first half-hour before he gets trapped by the boulder is extremely well-done, showing the kind of person Ralston is but also keeping you on edge because you have the knowledge that soon he will be trapped, the "how" caused me much suspense and had me completely reeled-in.  Once the incident happened and he was actually trapped the rest of the movie had me wondering, when is he going to do it?  It was great for adding suspense but at the same time knowing what was going to happen left me with a pit in my stomach, because it is one of the single most intense acts committed by a real person i think.

The last 20 minutes of the flick is a deranged odyssey and look into Ralston's starved and thirsty mind and shows how close he was to going crazy in his stone prison.  Than the moment happens, the moment that the entire flick has been leading up to.  The scene in which this takes place is approximately 5 minutes or so but it was one very disgusting, completely fucked-up scene, one which i do not think i will ever watch again, but one that was necessary for the plot (obviously, considering the stories source).  After this moment (which i will not recite for those who do not remember the story) the last few minutes of the film are incredibly cathartic.  Those last few minutes are very essential to the plot of the film because without it that movie would have ended on an overtly intense tone, one that would have worked with the movie but would not have been as great as the actual ending.

The last few minutes are a perfect way to end the story, it shows hope for Ralston while at the same time serving as a caution for up and coming mountain climbers.  Ralston will be forever reminded of his experience in Utah and the ending of the film reflects this, even showing Ralston today with his family, which was a brilliant touch in my opinion.  That being said, the last half-hour of 127 Hours made me feel exhausted and sick to my stomach at the same time, not in a necessarily bad way either, it was just incredibly intense and sickening at times.  The ending, as with the rest of the film, is very well-done, with an exceptional performance by James Franco and with some absolutely gorgeous shots by Danny Boyle, but that doesn't stop it from leaving me a little shaken and disturbed.

127 Hours is a very good movie.  The story is very powerful and meaningful and could teach some people a thing or two about being an adventurer as well as being a good person to those who mean the most to you!  This is another great film by Danny Boyle, a great performance by James Franco and all-in-all a very good movie.  Be warned though, it is not for the faint of heart, the last 30 minutes is not meant to be light, it is meant to be very intense, and it delivers, sometimes i felt it was too intense however!!!  Either way this is a very good movie in a year of good movie and should not be tossed aside by people, if you are interested in the story and like Danny Boyle's previous work, see this movie, but never forget that it may leave you very shaken once the film has concluded!

This film deserves 4 Aaron Ralston, small mustache + goatee combo beards out of 5!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Bull-Shit Rising University Costs

Yes, this is most certainly an issue that has been beaten to death, but now its my turn to punch the dead horse a few times!  Basically, UNIVERSITY IS TOO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE!!

This particular bout of anger at my fine scholarly institution (University of Guelph for those that don't know and car) comes from trying to purchase my textbooks this semester.  Thus far i have already dropped 275 dollars of books, i am less than half-way to buying all the required books for my classes, seriously i calculated how much it would be in total and its going to be between 550 and 600 dollars.  600 dollars just for textbooks, granted I am taking a 6th course with would add more money, BUT one of my courses is online, with NO textbooks.  My problem is when a prof just kind of arbitrarily assigns multiple textbooks for us to purchase, it makes sense that they need to do this if the appropriate info is in multiple texts, than multiple texts are necessary, i get it, that doesn't mean it sucks any less!

In my situation, as a person who is pretty much putting himself through college, multiple textbooks is the BANE of the beginning of the semester.  I have one prof who it putting his texts on course reserve, he assigned two but told us in class that it is a very expensive set to purchase for those who are monetarily challenged (myself included) so he would make it available to us through the library, which is free thankfully.  He is a nice guy, assigning a 160$ book set but making it available free, awesome, i appreciate that.  Another prof assigned two books, one of them is used for 1 out of the 12 weeks of class, seriously, i am spending an extra 50 bux on a book for one fucking week, this is annoying because the regular text is 140$ ALONE!!!  That is a ridiculously expensive book and its like 300 pages only, its a rip-off.

Even though I am basically putting myself through school, should i need to (and i most definitely will) i can call my parents and ask for help, which i have done so I am okay, but in a time when most people consider a University degree basically a necessity for a good career aren't some people just getting screwed left right an center?  When University is this expensive for books alone what about tuition, well let's see, i am in a regular Bachelor of Arts program, majoring in History, so i have a fairly cheap tuition basically only paying for my classes, i don't have any lab fee's or fun costs like that.  My tuition all said and done is $3 100, that's expensive, but it could be worse.  My tuition 2 years ago in my first year of Uni was 2900, that is a 200 dollar raise in two years at this rate its going to be ridiculous....fast. 

OH WAIT, it already is ridiculous.  A good friend of mine is an Engineer at the University of Guelph, they pay just over 4000 dollars or so (not sure exact amount but between 4000 and 4500), that is more than a grand more than my tuition, that's expensive but makes sense because they pay for the use of labs and some pretty fun high-tech equipment.  My same friends brother who is an Engineer in his first year THIS YEAR, so same damn program as my first friend but this year, is paying over 5000 dollars, he is paying over a grand more than my first friend (over 2000 more than me) yet he is doing EXACTLY the same thing as friend 1.  He is getting FUCKED, wanna know whats worse?  Right now at UofG they are renovating a bunch of Engineering buildings, this means that friend 1's brother is paying way more than friend 1 and not getting all the access to the fun toys that Friend 1 had in their first year. 

Look, my point is that Post-Secondary school has become ridiculous, and this is Canada, lets not even get into how bad the United States is.  As it stands right now, after completing 2.5 years of school (starting my other .5 to bring it to an even 3) i am 11 000 dollars in debt, but everything is pretty much paid off right now, in my opinion I am in a pretty good position for finishing up school with debt, but not a ridiculous amount of debt!  That being said i will not be able to pay for next year with my saved money as it currently stands, i WILL need another line of credit from the bank, hopefully just a 7000 dollar line of credit but that still brings my debt up to almost 20 000 dollars.  (I'm guessing it will be 20 000 after books and shit). 

I feel like once University is finished for me i will be in pretty good standing, i will have finished 4 years of school and made off with only 20 000 dollars in debt to the bank, could be SO much worse!!!!!!  If you look at the flip-side one last time, I have been VERY lucky, with my parents, my jobs, my saving (and i am a terrible saver, i like spending money on shit lol) i have been able to make it through 3 years with only 11 000 in debt to the bank, I guarantee within 10 minutes of canvassing the school you will find someone who is much worse off than I am.  With my degree too (i consider it a trivia degree) i truly feel like i am spending all of this money just to essentially pay for a degree from the school.  Its a bit depressing to think of it like that but its true, and it truly fucking sucks!


Basically, rising University costs suck ass, but there is not much we can do about it, if you want to be considered "a step above" because you have a University degree go right ahead, sadly however you will find yourself waist-deep in debt and with a degree that SO many people also have.  University is fun, but damned expensive and unless you have an elderly benefactor to bankroll your education or decide to turn tricks in order to pay your way through schooling, i truly wish you Good Luck.  If you can come out of your schooling without debt i highly commend you, it is difficult but it definitely can be done!!!


Anyways, i have rambled on enough!  Have a good week peoples and don't let the big bearded dude in the sky get you down!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

US_ARMY's Game of the Year 2010

Now that the year has come to an end, and we look forward to the new year of 2011, I sat down and took the time to analyze many of the big titles from the year, with hopes of choosing an overall winner. Be sure that everyone listens to the official DLB-network podcast, where the entire team was able to make their own picks for the year. I was not able to make that show, so here is my take on the year. I was able to narrow down the year to my favorite 8 games, which is in no particular order. Follow the link to read the rest of the article.

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Curbstoning Piracy

Smoke rose from the jagged crater. Strewn blood and tissue were the only sparse reminders of the person that once stood where the hollow ground now was. The gore and leftover violence mixed together. The exception was the eyeball that appeared undamaged, and even well enough to be considered in good shape—only removed from such standing because it was removed from a head.

“Holy shit!” Colt Winters exclaimed, staring down at the eye. “That’s a fucking eyeball lying on the ground.”

Another man, almost a foot taller and twice the build of Colt, stepped up to look at the eyeball. His reaction was very different, filled with something more akin to reverence than shocked amusement.

It took Colt a long moment, and a double-take, to realize the eyeball didn’t incite the same sort of excitement in his companion. “Do you recognize the eye?”

Dark brown eyes opened and looked at him. It was an absurd question to say the least.

“I know who stood there when the grenade exploded, yes,” he responded. “Ali.”

Colt didn’t remember their names. Except for the man in front of him, all Somali pirates looked alike.

“I see.” No pun intended, thought Colt.

Farrah looked back at the eyeball. Blood soaked into the ground from the trailing thread of nerves that was still attached to the back of the human eye. He ran a large hand over his closely shaved hair before turning back to Colt. “It appears Ali was the only casualty.”

“It appears our enemies had a few more, though.”

Farrah signalled with a muscular arm and a group of men sporting various firearms moved into close proximity.

Colt gestured toward the dead enemies. “Line their bodies up near a wall, and then pile their weapons nearby. Take nothing. Go.”

The pirates moved, but Farrah stayed behind to guard his employer. Colt was the only person within his team of killers that had white skin. His light blonde hair clashed with dark hair, and his bright blue eyes were at odds with the dark brown eyes that gazed around him. The other men were dressed in plain clothing that was once likely military garb, but it was hard to see the fabrics behind the bandoliers of shotgun shells, rifle rounds, and various knives. One charming fellow that often made Colt a bit nervous was a shorter man with a sort of perpetual wide-eyed and crazy look that carried, with his bullets, a grappling hook he liked to use to skewer people.

“No, no, closer together.” Colt stamped his fine leather, and somehow still polished, dress shoe on the debris-littered ground. “Right here, this spot. We want to make it look like we lined them up and shot them along this wall in cold blood. Understand?”

“Why we not take their weapon?” asked one of the pirates through the strain of dragging a dead body.

Colt sighed quietly. He appreciated the fact the pirate attempted the question in English, even if the question was stupid.

Cold blooded. We want to look like we killed them for the fun of it. If we scavenge their weapons it looks like we killed out of necessity to reload, gain supplies, and the like. Understand?”

The pirate dropped the dead body with a thump and looked at Colt blankly.

"Farrah, could you translate my meaning, please? Make sure you get the cold blooded part across clearly.” Farrah translated Colt’s words into Somali. Colt didn’t wait to see if the man got the point.

After the bodies were convincingly placed, Colt hurried the men away from the shattered warzone. When they found themselves at a safe distance they turned back to look at the destruction from afar, Farrah produced a pair of binoculars and handed them to Colt.

“Who were they?” asked Farrah. He dismissed the other men and they sat down immediately to rest and hydrate.

“The men we killed?” asked Colt. “Well that’s an interesting little story. You’ve heard of Saracen International?”

Farrah nodded slowly. “A private security company.”

“Correct. A security company from the U.K. that is helping to fund new naval forces in Somalia.” Colt, satisfied, handed the binoculars back to Farrah. “Legitimate naval forces, that is.”

“Those men worked for this company?” asked Farrah.

“Correct again, my friend. You see, Saracen is a business liability. I profit from lawless pirates, not do-gooder military types. And frankly, so do you. Some would argue that so does Somalia. Piracy is illegal, and a large thorn in the side of the larger ruling countries like the United States, but you Somalis, you’re making your own way with rebel forces, taking what you need, fighting for survival. You’re doing things the way they used to be done,” Colt slapped Farrah jovially on the shoulder, “and that’s why I like you guys so much!”

Farrah’s face remained impassive, and didn’t show the slightest reaction when Colt slapped him on the shoulder.

“It’s called Percussive Maintenance. When something doesn’t work, you beat the shit out of it until it does. We’re making Saracen work for us again. We’re eating away at them. Every time they leave the house, someone shoots at them. Lines them up and executes them, no less. This is the world of terror I wish to create for them. Understand?”

Farrah nodded silently.

“Well, another day, another dollar. I say we head back to Mogadishu, get your men some rest, and we’ll see where that takes us.”

The men were roused and Colt looked over each one of them as they stood and began to march at Farrah’s orders. They appeared a ragtag militia with mismatched weaponry, but fought with the ferocity and skill of trained warriors. The fight in these men was learned during the Somali Civil War, and it became the only set of skills that was left useful to them afterward. Piracy became their only source of income and prosperity. They could be compared to any men fighting for a way of life. But Colt noticed something else within them—it was their eyes, when a man makes a living from killing and stealing, even the darkest eyes get a shade or two darker. No light remains.

The walk back to the city centre of Mogadishu was a short affair, and as soon as Colt gave the word his men scattered in all directions. Even mindless, ship-hijacking, murderers had somewhere to be at the end of a hard day’s work.

“Your time is your own for now, Farrah,” Colt said. “I’m going to a bit of a shindig tonight, though. Your company would be appreciated.”

“Another poker game?”

“I know. Those prudish private military types don’t like your kind of person joining in their games, but have you ever heard of a little reindeer called Rudolf?” asked Colt.

Farrah looked at him blankly. “No.”

“Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer? They never let poor Rudolf join in any reindeer games?”

Farrah was silent.

“Oh, the things Christmas can teach the heathens,” Colt quipped with a sigh and a grin.

Farrah was silent still, but registered a slight look of annoyance.

Colt waved him off. “I’m just kidding. There’s nothing wrong with Muslims.” After a pause. “Just don’t blow yourself up around me.”

Farrah remained unimpressed, and the annoyed stare also stuck on.

“Oh, lighten up. A little religious humour. Would it kill you to make a joke every now and again?”

Farrah turned without a word and walked away.

“Alright, buddy, see ya at seven o’ clock sharp, okay?”

***

Colt changed into a new black suit and purple silk tie before meeting Farrah on the outskirts of Mogadishu. He adjusted his tie and nodded to Farrah as he came into sight. The pirate wore the same plain clothing, but was devoid of any bandoliers of ammunition or conspicuous weaponry. The holstered pistol on his right hip was subtle. Not that a holstered pistol was an incredibly uncommon sight in the city. Colt, in his fancy three-piece and shiny black shoes, was the odd one out.

“Shall we?” Colt asked.

Farrah nodded.

Just on the outskirts of Mogadishu, there was a small zone that was occupied by military forces—both private and government—which stood directly between the city itself and the Indian Ocean. Despite being a symbolic sign of mercenaries and military men coming together to block pirates in Mogadishu from getting to the water, it also served as a cesspool of corruption in which Colt Winters thrived. He had made friends there quickly with mercenaries and private security companies, and joined them for amiable games of Texas Hold ‘Em when the occasion arose. None of them had any idea Colt funded and supported Somali piracy. He had a feeling they wouldn’t care if they knew, anyway. They were there for profit as much as he was.

Colt located the Coca Cola bottling plant that was his landmark. From that point, it was a straight shot to the compound where the games were usually held. The compound itself was small and nondescript, but it was built in the middle of an open space and hard to miss once come across. The towering grey walls gave way only in one spot for a gate, which was guarded by a single man. The guard sported the standard urban camouflage, grey and blue, and leaned against the wall of the compound casually. He straightened up a bit when Colt and Farrah approached.

“Mr. Winters,” the guard greeted once he could make out Colt’s face. “You’re right on time. Boys are just gonna start. Got some newcomers tonight.”

That stopped Colt short. “Newcomers?”

“Four, only one of them is playing, though.”

“Do we know his name? Affiliation?”

“It’s a she, actually. Not bad looking either. Not sure on the details, but she looks civilian.”

Colt’s tone was conversational and betrayed no uneasiness, but his mind was reeling with scenarios. “They all sort of blend together, don’t they?”

The guard chuckled his agreement and opened the gate for Colt and Farrah, wishing them well as they entered.

“Are we expecting trouble?” Farrah asked.

“I always expect trouble, Farrah, don’t you?”

With a click, Farrah disarmed the safety on his pistol.

They entered a small square building on their immediate right without being harassed by the door guard. The building was used mostly for storage. The only remarkable item in the room was the poker table. It wasn’t an official set up, just a wooden oblong table with chairs around it. The rest of the grey building contained metal odds and ends mixed with scattered piles of rifles and ammunition here and there. There was one open chair at the poker table.

“Gentlemen,” Colt greeted, taking his seat. He pretended not to be aware of the casually dressed brunette, and then added a moment later, with tinge of feigned surprise, “and lady.”

The four other men at the table were all white with varying shades of brown hair and wore similar camouflage patterns with barely discernible differences. Even the private security companies and mercenaries, like any company with employees, conformed to a type of clothing. The woman, also Caucasian, wore a white button-up blouse and appeared to be wearing a bit of makeup around the eyes. Government military infantry in these situations always tried the hardest to cover up that they were in the military, and in doing so always stood out the most.

“Mr. Winters,” the woman said to him immediately.

Colt was taken aback for a moment, but responded smoothly. “That would be me. You are?”

“Jen, I’m with the private security company Saracen, I’m sure you’ve heard of us.”

Sure you are, thought Colt. “I have, in fact, Jen. How do you know of me, exactly?”

The other men at the table appeared oblivious to the conversation, and were preparing the deck of cards and the poker chips.

While Jen responded to his question, Colt surveyed the situation behind the woman: three men in equally overbearing attempts to look casual. They all carried small automatics, they looked like Uzis but Colt couldn’t be sure from his angle, and he was certain these men were here to guard the woman calling herself Jen. “You’re the only man in Somalia wearing a suit and tie. Everyone in the private security business knows who you are,” she replied.

“You don’t look like the standard Saracen guard, my dear. I sense you’re not here for actual security purposes.”

“Something like that. We were sent down the Gulf of Aden to find an ivory trader who was supposed to be waiting for us here in Mogadishu. We didn’t find him, needless to say.”

As he responded, Colt noted that the woman claimed to be part of Saracen, which was a U.K. based company, but did not have anything resembling a European accent. Not a dead giveaway, but immediately suspicious. He tucked that away for now. “Ivory? Didn’t realize that was a lucrative business still.”

“Hardly, and it’s incredibly illegal. The man himself is who we’re looking for.”

“Must be a very talented individual.” Colt signalled behind his chair toward Farrah.

“We deal in questionable businessmen, is all,” she replied.

“Then it’s no surprise you know about me,” Colt said, pushing his chair back slightly, “and my questionable business dealings.”

Jen caught the chair movement and signalled to the men behind her. They stepped forward.

Colt looked at the men, and then at Jen. He sighed. “And today was such a good day.”

Colt and Jen both dropped out of their chairs at around the same time. The other poker players, suddenly aware of a commotion, didn’t have time to move before being torn apart in the crossfire that ensued between Farrah and the three men with Uzis. Farrah’s Colt .45 was outgunned by the automatics. He drew his weapon and fired while dropping down beneath the table for cover. His more accurate shot took one of the gunmen square in the forehead and kicked his head back. The blood from the exit wound stippled the wall behind. The Uzis sprayed and pockmarked the wall, but got nowhere near Farrah.

“One coming around the table on the right, Farrah!” Colt warned. Farrah rolled onto his back. The approaching enemy fired off a burst which drove into the ground just beside his head. The pirate didn’t flinch and squeezed off two shots from the pistol with a sort of lifeless tranquility. He looked like he might’ve been watching a football match from his couch, and the gun was nothing more than his TV remote, clicking to change channels.

The third and final gunman rounded the table from the other side and aimed his Uzi down at Farrah. It would’ve been an easy shot, but two finely crafted dress shoes smashed into his gun hand and sent the Uzi skittering across the floor.

“One more!” called Colt.

As if tracking the sound of Colt’s voice, Farrah’s pistol snapped up and exploded three times, connecting with the last gunman’s chest. He was spun around and fell on his face, long dead before he hit the ground.

With a show of strength that registered shock on Jen’s face, Colt jumped to his feet and hauled the wooden table over on its side, removing her hiding place. She tried to scramble to her feet, but Colt kicked them out from under her. “Stick around,” Colt growled.

He held out his hand to Farrah who immediately passed his sidearm over to Colt. The pistol was now trained on the woman. “Who are you with? CTF 151? U.S. Coast Guard? Which anti-piracy group? Tell me!” He shoved the gun closer to her face.

“Fuck you,” was her spat reply.

“Obviously you’re government funded, because only they would send you in with a thin cover like this. You’re here looking for an ivory trader?” Colt scoffed. “Sweetheart, that’s not a cover story! That’s Heart of Darkness!” He put the gun right up to her forehead. “Now tell me who sent you here to die.”

She didn’t say it out loud, but her stare resonated with the same response as before.

“Maybe you’re betting on my being merciful because you’re unarmed, or maybe because you’re a woman. Maybe that’s what’s keeping you silent right now,” Colt pulled back the slide on the pistol to make sure a round was chambered, “well, obviously you didn’t do your homework.” He fired the last round out of the gun into her skull.

Colt took a last look at the dead woman before handing the weapon back to Farrah.

“You alright?” asked Farrah.

“Dandy,” Colt replied. “You did very well, excellent shooting, my friend.”

Farrah holstered the pistol. “You don’t know who they were?”

“U.S. military would be my guess. This is an interesting development.”

“The United States trying to kill you?”

Colt nodded. “Military hardware can find a nice price on the Black Market these days. Seeing as they’re throwing all this military hardware at me trying to kill me, guess I may as well put it to some use.” Colt patted Farrah on the shoulder again. “Another day, another dollar. Let’s go.”

"Buried" Review

I will preface this review with a quick description of my rating system, it will always be out of 5, with 5 being a perfect movie (i will not give these out lightly, i don't think i have seen a perfect movie in my opinion).  4-5 is a movie i think is very strong and a must see, 3-4 is an entertaining flick that is potentially worth your money, 2-3 is movie that is not great but certainly not terrible, it will have its redeeming qualities, 1-2 is a view at your own risk, and anything less than 1 probably should never have been made!


I have decided to officially kick things off with a review of the 2010 Spanish-made thriller film entitled Buried.  It was directed, edited and pretty well put together  by a Spanish director named Rodrigo Cortes.  The film is in English though so do not worry about subtitles, it stars Ryan Reynolds (upcoming Green Lantern, Waiting, Definitely Maybe...) and pretty much Ryan Reynolds alone.  For a Spanish-directors very first all-English, semi-wide released film he could not have done a better job.

The movie is about a man named Paul Conroy (Reynolds) who wakes up in a place that most would consider one of the single-most terrifying situations to find yourself in, Mr. Conroy has found himself trapped in a coffin buried underground with only a flashlight, a glow-stick, a lighter and a cell-phone.  Rodrigo Cortes has done something amazing with this movie, he has taken one man stuck him in a box and turned the camera on him for an hour and a half, and it is one hell of and hour and a half.

I wont get into much details about the movie because it would most definitely ruin the experience, all you need to know is that Mr. Conroy is in one hell of a predicament and the mystery will unfold as the movie creeps ahead.  This movie is absolutely gripping, which can be attributed to Ryan Reynolds performance as much as it can be attributed to the fantastic production/editing choices made by the director.  The only face you really see in the entire film is Ryan Reynolds but there area few other players in this story.  Keen-eared viewers will recognize the voice of the man who plays Alan Davenport as Stephen Tobolowsky (Heroes, Glee) who has a small role but is fun to hear as he has a very recognizable voice.

On the subject of performance, oh man does Ryan Reynolds ever does a fantastic job.  I feel that Paul Conroy could not have been portrayed better considering his situation and all that he is going through at the time of the film.  It has a lot to do with the very clever and well-written script but does Reynolds ever do an amazing job of bringing that script to life and injecting a large amount of humanity into it!

I will mentioned one thing about the plot of this film, it centers around the current hostilities in Iraq which some may find a silly backdrop for this story but it works very very well with the entire situation.  At the same time though i feel as if the director is truly treading new ground with this particular story, it is not about the actual war, it is not about fundamentalist Muslim's, it is about a man stuck in a box and how much that sucks, with Iraq and the war merely serving as a setting for the story.

One more very strong point of this film is the ending, I do not want to say much because giving it away can ruin this entire film but the ending is absolutely amazing.  I did not know what was going to happen the entire movie so that when you finally reach the ending it seemed like it could have gone a number of different ways, and that is entirely due to the very strong writing.


OVERALL:

This movie is extremely well-done, it features a spectacular performance, great production value (considering its about a dude stuck inside a coffin) a phenomenal script and an ending that will leave most people breathless and truly moved by the story.  I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, it had me on the edge of my seat, had my heart pumping and had me completely hooked in to Paul's plight.  This is a movie that everyone should try and see, especially if you are a fan of Ryan Reynolds, he has a powerhouse performance in this film and is just another thing Buried has done right.  This movie is highly recommended for anyone wanting something different, something interesting and something that will keep you truly guessing until the final scene in the film, which is a scene that left me shaken.  I cannot wait for Cortes' next English film which is a thriller set to star Robert De Niro and Sigourney Weaver, if it is half as good as Buried Cortes is well on his way to becoming the next big thriller director in Hollywood.


4.5 Messy Paul Conroy Five O'Clock Shadow Beards out of 5

Monday, January 10, 2011

Intro

Welcome ladies and gentleman to the one, the only, the Beard Brigade...okay so was that as terribly hokey as it sounded in my head??

So welcome to the beginning of a (hopefully) beautiful thing!  The idea behind the brigade is simple, me (THEBeardedDude) and my friends (who have yet to be told about this idea lol) are going to use this space to write, about anything.

Whatever pops into their pretty little heads, whatever they feel like talking about on a particular day and whatever they feel is a topic worth mentioning.  It will not have to be just serious blogs and such either, my hope is that this will literally be whatever people want it to be!  Me personally, i plan on reviewing things, what those things are remains to be seen but most likely movies, maybe an occasional game or comic book, likely more than a few television shows!

Basically i want this to be a place where people can come and choose from a list of posts, read whatever they like, or not i truly don't care.  This is going to be a little niche for me and my friends to shoot the shit, you do not have to like it, or even care, it does not matter to me!

So without further ado, welcome to the brigade, i hope you enjoy!